Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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