There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
