I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
they need to just BURY HIM!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
false alarm. still invincible.
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New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Even my vagina gasped.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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