Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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