Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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