Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
