i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nutella sex= disaster
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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