I must be too annoying 4 u.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
