she looked like the before picture.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
