Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
