found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
