the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
