This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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