u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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