we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
