Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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