I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
pray to the hookup gods
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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