nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.