Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.