I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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