plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.