whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.