Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.

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(718): Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex. http://tfl.nu/mdk4

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(905): View more from Toronto

just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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(905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. http://tfl.nu/8nmk

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.

(605): View more from South Dakota

WTF??? Isn't he married??

(910): View more from North Carolina

Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL

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(910): He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding. (605): WTF??? Isn't he married?? (910): Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL http://tfl.nu/eb9x

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

time to smoke my breakfast

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(724): time to smoke my breakfast http://tfl.nu/9r0k

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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(314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend

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(651): i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/co7p

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head

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(262): i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head http://tfl.nu/xp32

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(804): View more from Virginia

when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

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(804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1

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(315): View more from New York

can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...

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(315): can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits... http://tfl.nu/8lcs

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?

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(401): he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid? http://tfl.nu/msiw

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(+61): View more from Australia

A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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(+61): A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul. http://tfl.nu/nbi1

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Coming to you live from the floor of my office..

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(919): Coming to you live from the floor of my office.. http://tfl.nu/0ate

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.

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(952): He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy. http://tfl.nu/1isp

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(425): View more from Washington

I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later

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(425): I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later http://tfl.nu/4jkk

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(905): View more from Ontario

ok thanks goodnight

(905): View more from Ontario

Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person

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(905): ok thanks goodnight (905): Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person http://tfl.nu/fu6q

Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (172)

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