I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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