why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.