I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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