This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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