So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
