that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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