At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
