Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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