It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
