I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
