You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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