Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
