your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
