I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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