Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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