dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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