I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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