I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bring me that man meat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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