he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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