My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
