i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
