please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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