she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
