I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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