I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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