Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
