Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
