i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize