Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
