i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
