Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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