A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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