The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious