its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
