Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp

Replies (48) Good night (1228) Bad night (1408)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.

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(412): When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career. http://tfl.nu/solb

Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (2021)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

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(405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh

Replies (40) Good night (6266) Bad night (489)
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(904): View more from Florida

the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

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(904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0

Replies (7) Good night (5902) Bad night (609)
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(626): View more from California

Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

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(626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts

Replies (7) Good night (4055) Bad night (1477)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles

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(978): Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles http://tfl.nu/8ba6

Replies (8) Good night (2377) Bad night (1140)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.

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(610): Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other. http://tfl.nu/3et0

Replies (6) Good night (2893) Bad night (1041)
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(207): View more from Maine

It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.

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(207): It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it. http://tfl.nu/yxow

Replies (4) Good night (2401) Bad night (748)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.

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(403): Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one. http://tfl.nu/ek2z

Replies (15) Good night (2974) Bad night (664)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out

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(703): Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out http://tfl.nu/tdl5

Replies (11) Good night (614) Bad night (1378)
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(209): View more from California

Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.

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(209): Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way. http://tfl.nu/s3aa

Replies (5) Good night (1676) Bad night (399)
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(904): View more from Florida

Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.

(1-904): View more from Florida

I told you to check, dude

(904): View more from Florida

Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.

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(904): Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday. (1-904): I told you to check, dude (904): Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out. http://tfl.nu/ef5z

Replies (14) Good night (1436) Bad night (487)
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(518): View more from New York

How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by

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(518): How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by http://tfl.nu/853j

Replies (6) Good night (482) Bad night (249)
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(360): View more from Washington

Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?

(1-360): View more from Washington

I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.

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(360): Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted? (1-360): I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted. http://tfl.nu/if8l

Replies (3) Good night (1122) Bad night (185)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.

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(720): I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud. http://tfl.nu/er8q

Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (157)

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