saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
