Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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