You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
