then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
