his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
