dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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