Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
