I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
