Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
