so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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