Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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