Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
