you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
