My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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