i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
