K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
