whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.