great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really