chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.