why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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