I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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