I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
