I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
