How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
