Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
